Thursday, October 1, 2009

Bank robbery FAIL

Apparently some 30 y/o 3rd grade drop out bitch named Amy Winehouse Stephanie Martin went straight from shooting some battery acid in her meth lab down to her local bank and tried to rob it in Hillsboro, Oregon yesterday.  Only problem was the mastermind behind the crime failed her penmanship class and the poor teller couldn't read her note (which apparently stated "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious.")  The teller told the woman she couldn't read her chicken scratchings so the woman left the window to try again and re-wrote the hold up note on a bank slip giving the teller the opportunity to hit the silent alarm.

Now, besides the obvious issue I have with robbing a bank, I think the more serious crimes commited here were those of poor penmanship and the fact that if you are going to commit a class A felony, why the fuck stop at $300!??  That would barely cover her electric bill from cookin' down the good shit!

I guess she changed her mind and when the bank manager came over the would be Bonnie Parker decided she really only wanted to open an account.  Of course when the police and FBI showed up her ass got cuffed and taken to jail and was determined to be *shocker!* under the influence of drugs.

I think the moral of this story is two fold: First, we obviously need to bring back penmanship classes in our schools to give our kids (the future bank robbers) a fighting chance at succeeding in their goals. Second, we obviously need to work on the pervasive issue of self esteem...I mean come on, if she had felt better about herself and had the knowledge she could accomplish anything she set her mind to, the bitch obviously would have asked for way more cash than her weekly KFC tab!


  1. I knew my Mom was always focusing on having neat handwriting for a reason!!!!!! She wanted me to be a succesful bank robber! Thanks Mom!

  2. It's also important to speak clearly. I once had a phone call from a mumbler and made him repeat himself three times before I realized it was an obscene phone call. By that time, he seemed rather discouraged.